Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
