Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
send nudes
from the living room?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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