dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
