Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
