my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
