Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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