I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
