I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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