I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize