If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
