We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
