I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
