I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
