soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
