we made out on top of his cat.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
