his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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