Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
