Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize