His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
