69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
