I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
