I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
