He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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