Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
