Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
