and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
