If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
