Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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