Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
