If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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