Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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