we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
