I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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