Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
