Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
