I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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