Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
