If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
