That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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