He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
