I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When are your genitals available?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
