We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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