Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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