we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
