its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
