you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
