you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
