My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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