whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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