Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
