go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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