Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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