I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
