im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
