so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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