you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize