we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
