Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
