She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
