I'm so fucking centered right now
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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