he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
