found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
