you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
