Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
