bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
